വേണുനാദം

> A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
> officer.
> She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to
> borrow
> $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of
> security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new
> Rolls
> Royce that’s parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything
> checks
> out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
> An
> employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and
> parks
> it there.
>
> Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
> which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:
>
> “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has
> worked out very nicely, but we’re a little puzzled. While you were away,
> we
> checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire.
> What
> puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
>
> “Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for
> fifteen
> bucks?”
>
> ************************************************************************
> ****
> 70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that
> he
> felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he
> said, “But you know Doc, I’m blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so
> he
> puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”
>
> A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George’s wife and said,
> “Your
> husband’s test results were fine, but he said something strange that has
> been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him
> when
> uses the bathroom at night.”
>
> George’s wife exclaimed, “That old fool! He’s been peeing in the
> refrigerator again!”
>

 

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A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”  God said, ” No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.  Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.  While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

>>>(You> ‘ ll love this!!! SCROLL DOWN )

>>>God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

***********

>  A CUP OF COFFEE
>
> Author Unknown :
>
> A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life an how things
> were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and
> wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as
> one problem was solved a new one arose.
>
> Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and
> placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first,
she
> placed carrots, in the second, she placed eggs, and in the last she placed
> ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In
> about ten minutes she turned off the burners.
>
> She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs
> out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed
it
> in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?”
>
> “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” her daughter replied.
>
> She brought her daughter closer and asked her to feel the carrots.The
> daughter noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and
> break it.  After pulling off the shell, the daughter observed the
> hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked her daughter to sip the
> coffee.The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
>
> Then the daughter asked, “What does it mean, mother?”
>
> Her mother explained, “Each of these objects has faced the same
adversity –
> boiling water — but each reacted differently.
>
> The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being
> subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
> The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid
> interior, but,after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became
> hardened.
> The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  They changed the water.”
>
> “Which are you?” she asked her daughter.  “When adversity knocks on your
> door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”
>
> Think of this:  Which am I?
>
> Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt
> and become soft and lose my strength?
>
> Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the
heat?
> Did I once have a fluid spirit, but after a death, breakup, a financial
> hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my
> shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff
> spirit and a hardened heart?
>
> Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the
> very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot,it
> releases the fragrance and flavor.
> When things are at their worst, do I get better and change the situation
> around me?
>
> How do you handle adversity?  When the hours are the darkest and trials
are
> their greatest, do you elevate to another level?
>
> What gives you the greatest opportunity for long term happiness? That is
> your highest choice.
>
> May you be blessed and bless others
> By Always making your Highest Choice

 

 

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> >  >How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly !!
> > >
> > >A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
> > >
> > >stalking around with a flyswatter. “What are you
> > >
> > >doing?”, she asked.
> > >
> > >”Hunting Flies”, he responded.
> > >
> > >”Oh!, Killing any?”, she asked.
> > >
> > >”Yep, 3 males, 2 females”, he replied.
> > >
> > >Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”
> > >
> > >”3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone >>
> >
> >
> >
>
> ————————————————————————–
> that
> this
> > communication is free of viruses, interceptions or interference.
>

********

> >>>A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

> > > >The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.”

> > > >The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a

> > > >good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,

> > > >and his is working fine.”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Tech Support: “OK Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the

> > > >same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now

> > > >type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”

> > > >Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”

> > > >Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”

> > > >Customer: “What do you mean?”

> > > >Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”

> > > >Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Overheard in a computer shop:

> > > >Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

> > > >Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

> > > >Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document

> > > >back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep

> > > >it.

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Customer in computer shop:

> > > >”Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start

> > > >something

> > > >like this:

> > > >Customer: “Hi. Is this the Internet?”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?”

> > > >Tech Support: “Yeah.”

> > > >Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”

> > > >Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

> > > >Customer: “That’s why I hate this Windows – because of the icons – I’m

> > > >a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

> > > >Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe

> > > >it was

> > > >meant to-”

> > > >Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms’. I don’t believe in

> > > >icons.”

> > > >Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a

> > > >filing

> > > >cabinet…is ‘little picture’ OK?”

> > > >Customer: [click]

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Customer: “My computer crashed!”

> > > >Tech Support: “It crashed?”

> > > >Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”

> > > >Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”

> > > >Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.”

> > > >Tech Support: “Huh?”

> > > >Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. I crashed my

> > > >spaceship and now it doesn’t work.”

> > > >Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.’”

> > > >Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”

> > > >

> > > >**********

> > > >

> > > >Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having

> > > >problems: the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry.

> > > >It

 

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